I am selling this bicycle because my therapist suggested I need to come to terms with my attraction to african-american women. No sister is going to date a 34 year old systems administrator riding a european grocery bike. However, when I would cruise slowly down Park Slope’s fifth avenue, panties would literally fly off of every white or asian woman with a stroller and a master’s degree.
Plus, if we look at zombies as a species, they are pretty much designed for failure. Their main form of reproduction is also their only source of food and their top predator. If they want to eat or reproduce, they have to go toe to toe with their number one predator every single time. That’s like having to fight a lion every time you to want to have sex or make a sandwich.
I watched part of a recent episode of CRIMINAL MINDS this evening, and I swear to god, when Fat Tony, Forest Whitaker and him from DHARMA AND GREG weren’t on screen, it looked for all the world like the cast of FRIENDS standing around wearing stab vests.
— extruded from Warren Ellis
The Alot is an imaginary creature that I made up to help me deal with my compulsive need to correct other people’s grammar. It kind of looks like a cross between a bear, a yak and a pug, and it has provided hours of entertainment for me in a situation where I’d normally be left feeling angry and disillusioned with the world.
Who knew Mordor was in Iceland?